The Strange And Unusual Fanfic
by catmittens
Summary: What on Kami's green earth was going on here? I looked at my hand...it looked okay. Maybe that purple haired ---- had done something to me when he'd killed me. Or didn't kill me. (Profanity and slight perversity. RR!)
1. Default Chapter

Here goes nothing...  
  
Italics - /word(s)/  
  
~~  
  
"...Paul..."  
  
My eyes were shut tight and there was no way in /hell/ they were opening. What in the world was that godawful noise? Not the voice...  
  
"Paul..."  
  
I rolled over, and pulled a pillow over my head. Shut up, I thought to the noise and the voice. Let me sleep. Wait, sleep? Oh, forget it...  
  
"/Paul/!"  
  
My eyes snapped open in indignation when something fluffy crashed down on my head. I sat up. Whoever did that...  
  
"Get up and go to work, Paul...and /turn off/ the alarm..."  
  
I blinked in shock. Whaa...? The person in bed with me rolled over and wiggled deeper into the covers. Wait a minute... "Who are you?" I demanded coldly. "And where am I?"  
  
I remembered...my sister was killed by that purple haired brat and he'd gone after me after that...and I'd died too. I jumped out of the bed and glared down at the human, expecting an answer.  
  
She merely rolled over a bit, stared at me with glazed, stupid eyes and rolled back over with the statement, "Go to work."  
  
I was Jinzouningen Juunanagou. For one, my name wasn't Paul. Secondly, I didn't work. Ever. Thirdly, what was going on? Was it a dream? I'd never had one. For that matter I'd never felt as tired as I did...but this was definitely a dream. No, nightmare. I was tired. I'd never felt tired. "Who are you?" I demanded again.  
  
The person in bed rolled over, this time she looked irritated. "Your freaking roommate, that's who. Now get going or you're going to be late. I told you not to stay up and watch that stupid marathon..."  
  
"Why aren't /you/ getting up?" I demanded. There was no chance in seven levels of hell I was going to 'work.'  
  
"Saturdays and Tuesdays are my days off," the figure mumbled and dissapeared again except for a flurry of dark blonde hair sticking up past the cover.  
  
"Answer my question," I growled dangerously. The person fidgeted in bed. "Who are you, where am I, and how the /hell/ did I get here!!"  
  
"Gah.../Paul/..."  
  
"And my name is not 'Paul!'" I snarled in disgust. "It's /Jinzouningen Juunanagou/!"  
  
The figure sat up and flicked the flurry of hair back. "Look, Paul, I don't know /what/ they showed you on that freaking marathon last night, but you are not an android. Trust me. You haven't been drinking my sake, have you?"  
  
"/No/," I shot back. "I expect an answer, human."  
  
"/Human/?" the figure said. "That's a first. Fine. I'll answer your damn questions if it'll get you to go get ready for work. Who are you. Paul Everett. Who am I? Your very sleepy friggin' roommate, Tori Friedman. How did you get here? Well I /assume/ you drove home last night. Now get your ass ready to work and cut the role-playing crap."  
  
"I'm not role--"  
  
She threw another pillow at me. Strangely enough I couldn't see it coming and it hit me squarely between the eyes. More surprising was that it knocked me backwards. That was it. I raised my hand, pointed my finger, issued the command in my brain and...nothing.  
  
What?  
  
I tried again, same result. "Paul, I don't hear the door opening," Tori said, her face buried in a pillow.  
  
What on Kami's green earth was going on here? I looked at my hand...it looked okay. Maybe that purple haired bastard had done something to me when he'd killed me. Or didn't kill me. Funny, as I remember it my body more or less disintegrated.  
  
"I'm not going to work," I said petulantly. I didn't like work. More than that I wanted to figure out what was going on before I did anything.  
  
"Oh /yes you are/," Tori said, and lifted her head. She had a positively dangerous expression on her face. I, of course, was not fazed. I stood there with an expression that read very clearly, 'make me.' "Paul you've had too many sick days when you haven't even been sick, we're two hundred dollars behind on the rent and /my/ check won't cover it! We're only still here because I made friends with the landlady! /Get your ass in gear/!!"  
  
I had had enough of arguing with an idiot and so I left the room. I slammed the door shut behind me, half intending on ripping it from the hinges. My ki ability wasn't working properly and apparently my strength was out on vacation as well because all that happened was a very loud bang and some things near the door shook a bit.  
  
I was twice as pissed, now. I had no /idea/ what was going on, I was in a strange place, with a human, with a human name, and my hair was short.  
  
Wait. Rewind. My hair...?  
  
I reached up and felt for my hair. It was short. I had never been particularly vain about my hair, but along with everything else, it was enough to drive me insane. "Where is the bathroom?" I demanded, slamming the door back open. Tori turned around, she was out of bed and had a robe half on.  
  
"What is your problem, slamming the door like that?!" she hissed, forgetting to tie the sash and walking towards me with a look that could kill.  
  
"Shut up and tell me where the bathroom is!" I demanded.  
  
"PAU--"  
  
My hand shot out and wrapped around her neck. She looked shocked, strangled, and she wriggled. "I'm going to ask you this one more time, where is the bathroom?" I asked in a deadly calm voice.  
  
She didn't answer. Instead she clawed at my fingers. She wrapped a hand around one of my fingers, which was a surprise enough, but when she twisted it viciously enough to bring me to my knees, I was utterly shocked. "Look here, Paul, that's going TOO FAR!" Tori snarled. "I will argue, but don't you DARE touch me."  
  
"Yo--"  
  
She jerked it painfully and I bit back a sudden yelp. What was wrong with me? A human (a rather skinny human at that) managing to down me...  
  
"Now, I want you to get up, shape up, and go to work, okay!"  
  
She was almost in tears now.  
  
/Tears/?  
  
"Paul, we're about to lose this apartment and you go and pull a fucking stunt like this!" she snarled, and gave me an extra painful twist for good measure. "Get ready, and go to work!"  
  
I was furious, but I wasn't stupid.  
  
"When I let you up, I /will/ DECK you if you try any of this android bullshit anymore, got it?" Tori said.  
  
I hesitated before I nodded.  
  
"Good..."  
  
And she released my finger. I stood up slowly. Tori stepped backwards, and crossed her arms.  
  
I looked down at my hand. It hurt like a mother. "Let me see it," Tori snapped and grabbed my hand. She looked at it and dropped it. "I ain't gonna say sorry," she warned. "You shouldn't have grabbed me like that."  
  
I yanked my hand away. "Don't touch me."  
  
She frowned. "/Fine/. Once you're ready there'll be breakfast. Hurry."  
  
She walked into the kitchen and I watched her go. She reached down and glanced over her shoulder. "Move it, Paul."  
  
I decided not to press the issue that Paul wasn't my name. I took a deep breath. Both of us were angry, it was tangible in the air. And a pillow wasn't what she had in her hand now. "Where is a mirror."  
  
"In the bathroom," she replied.  
  
As if I should know where that is. "And where is that?"  
  
She stopped what she was doing and made a visible effort not to explode. "In...the bedroom," she said quietly.  
  
I turned around, and walked back in the bedroom. Slung over a chair was a yellow polo shirt that didn't look like it belonged to the human bitch. I picked it up. It /appeared/ to be my size...underneath the shirt was a neatly folded pair of khaki pants. I wasn't particularly fond of them, but something weird was going on and I figured it would be a good idea if I went along with this shit for a while.  
  
The bathroom door was open and I walked in. I stepped closer to the mirror. I didn't look like myself. Well, I did, I still had my black hair and pale blue eyes, but my face seemed rounder and my eyes seemed wider. I realized with shock that, for the first time, I could see my expression on my face and in my eyes. You just didn't get that under normal circumstances.  
  
Tori was putting plates on a crappy little foldup table when I came back out. I realized with something near shock that I was /hungry/. Something else I had never experienced before and I decided it was a very uncomfortable thing.  
  
"Aren't you /done/ yet?" I demanded automatically. I almost regretted it when she looked up at me, eyes flashing. /Almost/. As in, I didn't, really. I just glared back at her.  
  
"Chill out, Paul," she snapped. "Sit down."  
  
I sat down at a chair. I didn't care if it was hers.  
  
Tori brought something over, I leaned over and looked into it. It was a pan of oatmeal, which smelled heavily sugared. I frowned at it. This was it? I mean, there was half a glass of orange juice for both of us, but that was it. "Where's the rest of it?"  
  
She looked up. She looked confused for a moment. "...There is no more," she replied.  
  
I suddenly realized how thin this body was, as was hers. "Why isn't there?" I demanded.  
  
Tori sighed and wiggled on her seat. She rubbed her temple. "Damnit, Paul...no role-playing shit for five minutes, okay? Can you give me that?"  
  
I took the pan from her and poured sugary oatmeal into my bowl. It kind of flopped down.  
  
We ate in silence even though I was itching to demand answers. I was still very disoriented. "Do I have a twin?" I asked suddenly.  
  
She stopped eating immediately, and looked up at me as if shocked. "How the hell would /I/ know?"  
  
I didn't answer. If Juuhachi were in this ridiculous situation too, I wouldn't know where to find her.  
  
"You've never told me a damn thing about you," Tori said and continued eating, although it was faster now.  
  
"Do I know anything about you?" I asked.  
  
She thought for a moment. "No. To each his own."  
  
That made no sense to me until I realized both Tori and 'myself' were young. Tori didn't look a day past eighteen, if that. My own self looked the same age as I was when I was myself, which I supposed was eighteen. I was sure that for humans that was usually too young to be out on your own and yet both Tori and Paul were doing just that.  
  
"Are your parents dead?" I asked bluntly.  
  
She froze. She looked up at me. "Are yours?" she shot back coldly.  
  
"Did the /androids/ kill them?" I asked tauntingly, an unconscious smirk creeping up on my face. I was oblivious to the rising rage in Tori's eyes.  
  
"They kill a lot of people."  
  
"We do, don't we?" I taunted cold-heartedly.  
  
Suddenly Tori leapt from her chair and at me. I was stunned and my head snapped backwards when she rammed her fist into my jaw. I went over with a spectacular fall, and the oatmeal flew everywhere.  
  
"Don't even JOKE about that, Paul!" she screamed so loudly I could have sworn my ears rung. I looked up at her, I could feel blood pouring out of my nose and maybe my lip. How DARE that insolent little fuck...!!  
  
"I aught to fucking kill you--" I started, but Tori interrupted me.  
  
"You try that, you're going down with me," she snarled coldly.  
  
It was the first time a human expression of pure fury ever stunned me in my tracks. I thought I should try a much easier tactic...easier, at least, on my face. My pride, however, was going to be permanently beaten. "I'm...sorry," I muttered.  
  
"Sorry?" she repeated stonily. "Sorry isn't going to cut it Paul. Go. to. work."  
  
I sat up and leaned forward. My yellow polo shirt was covered in blood and I could feel it sticking to my chest. I almost felt faint. It was still pouring out.  
  
"Wash yourself up and get the clean one from the dryer," she said and turned back to the table. "Well, /go/!"  
  
I wasn't sure if it was safe to tell her I didn't /know/ where I was supposed to work.  
  
~~  
  
Well, there's chapter 1. Tell me what you think, please don't tell me it sucks. Do you have any idea how crushing that is to a person? If you do, make it 'constructive criticism.' Man, is that quite the oxymoron or what? Please tell me if 17 is OOC, I never feel like I can get anybody in character. Its so terrible.  
  
I know the situation is kind of vague, but I promise you it WILL BECOME CLEARER! This is only the first chapter! ^^ I have no idea where I came up with this fic, and it's completely unexplained yet, but that will be fixed if you give me the chance...it has to do with a *gasp* (can't tell ya) in later chapters...  
  
I'd like at least 5 reviews...please? I'm not going to give you an ultimatum, but it would be nice to hear from you!! RR!  
  
ps. - the idea for 17's hair being cut off came from a really REALLY good fanart of Juu-sama with a short haircut...it's the one on graphing paper and he looks kinda like he's modeling? If I feel like it I might just go get the URL...  
  
Over and out, from Zithy & co...(co meaning the lazy fat cat lying on my bed at this very moment)  
  
Oh, and I promise I haven't given up on my other story...it's just I've got writers block up the wazoo and I'm trying to break the dam...but I can't do it! 


	2. Default Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Well, no I don't own Dragonball Z. But I damn well intend on kidnapping 17's voice actors (either Japanese or American is fine with me) and tying him/them up and making him/them speak in 17's voice. ^_^ I'd feed him/them well.  
  
Italics - /word(s)/ WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO MAKE REAL ITALICS INSTEAD OF THIS CHEAP-ASSED SLASH BIT?  
  
~~  
  
The blood from my nose hadn't entirely stopped dripping when I came back out of the bedroom. The 'dryer' ended up being a string of fishing wire strung over the bathtub.  
  
I made no move to help Tori clean up the remains of the oatmeal, and instead held Kleenex to my nose while watching her with a less-than- repentant expression.  
  
"There. /Done/," I heard her murmur to herself as she threw the last of the paper towels she used to wipe up the oatmeal into the wicker trashbasket. She looked up at me, opened her mouth to say something but shut it again.  
  
My openly angry glare got a trite response.  
  
"Look, you cock-sucking fucker, if you do not get your ass to work right now," she snarled, and cut herself off. She deliberately slowed herself down to keep from killing something. Probably me. "You know, I've been more than nice. Would /please/ get you to go? Please Paul, would you get off your lazy ass and go to work?"  
  
Oh, joy. If that was nice, I'd hate to see bitchy.  
  
"I really feel sick," I snarled in a surly tone. And I wasn't lying, either. It was /nausea/, something else new that I didn't particularly care for. I was /nauseated/ about a little blood?  
  
She glared at me, obviously not believing me.  
  
"Oh so we're faking sick again!" she said, and threw her hands up in the air. "Fine, fine. I give up. Spend the day at home, hell, call up the park and quit for all I care but whatever you do, /get out of this goddamn apartment/!!!"  
  
Tori's head snapped around and I flinched when some idiot outside the door pounded on it, jarring us.  
  
"/Keep it quiet in there! Other people live here 'ya know/!!"  
  
"...You know, you just contradicted yourself," I sneered smugly.  
  
She stopped for a moment, realised that I was right, and flipped me the bird. She then whirled around, marched back into the bedroom, and slammed the door.  
  
The shelf to the left of the door collapsed.  
  
Bitch.  
  
*  
  
It was /cold/ outside, and this was entirely new to me. For the most part. While I had sometimes sensed that it was cold, I had never really felt it. At any rate it wasn't as bad as being hungry like I was.  
  
The streets were mostly deserted, I knew very well that there were very few humans left on the planet. The last census put it somewhere in the mid tens-of-thousands, but I wasn't too sure. It wasn't like I cared, so why would I know?  
  
This was the area of town my sister would have liked. It was the part of town where all of the chic clothing stores were lined up in pristine, obviously reconstructed, rows.  
  
That meant I'd been here before - as myself - but for the life of me my memory had taken a hike along with my speed, strength, and, well, everything that set me apart from the parasites infecting this planet. It was probably the temperature but I was feeling sort of numb about that.  
  
In the near distance I could see what I assumed was the 'park' Tori wouldn't shut up about. A deserted looking ferris wheel jutted into the sky and I could see a roller coaster between the buildings that hadn't been rebuilt yet.  
  
"Hey, Paul!!"  
  
I turned when the voice yelled at me twice. It was a rather oversized woman standing in the doorway of a little cornerstore, smoking a cigarette. She was grinning at me. I merely stared back at her. After Tori, I was a little burnt out on arguing.  
  
"Playing hookey again? Tori didn't try to kill you, did she?" the woman said. "Sure as hell looks like it, your face is covered in blood." She took a drag of her cigarette.  
  
I didn't respond, even though I knew the woman was waiting for it. I merely crossed my arms.  
  
The woman laughed suddenly. "Well, come inside. It's cold out there."  
  
She was right, it /was/ warmer in the store. The racks were filled with magazines of everything from collectible toy plushes to naked women. Some of them were years old.  
  
"Ain't seen either of you in a long while," the woman said, grinding the butt of the cigarette in the ashtray. "What you two been up to?"  
  
I wasn't exactly sure why I was talking to this woman, except that I had nothing better to do. "Nothing much," I sneered quietly. I hated being asked questions.  
  
The woman blinked at me but shook it off. "Look, boy, I may be old but I can still beat your ass just as surely as I could seven years ago, and you damn well best remember that," she said with a grin.  
  
My glare only made her laugh. I seethed inside and swallowed down a retort.  
  
"You two been doin' alright? I think you're skinnier than when I last saw you."  
  
Indeed. I was slender in my real body, this one was almost gaunt. I shrugged.  
  
"How's Tori?"  
  
God, do I have to? "She's a bitch," I said evenly.  
  
"That's what you said the last time I talked to you," the woman said. "She sick? Happy? Dead? Pregnant?"  
  
That last word got my full attention and the woman knew it. "You're kidding, right?" I demanded. The /thought/ brought the nausea back full force. "How old is she?"  
  
"Sixteen or seventeen, can't remember rightly," the woman said with a smile. "You're only 'bout three years older, son. It ain't unheard of."  
  
"It sickens me," I snapped coldly.  
  
The woman sighed. "Whatever, Paul. So you're skipping work again, huh?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Just didn't feel like going, huh?" she said. "Well, it's your call, but really, it'd make Tori happy and a hell of a lot easier to live with. She worries a lot."  
  
"Not about me, right? Just the paycheck," I said dryly.  
  
"No, she cares, it's just she's never had a lot of fun since she was about ten and her parents died. She went to live with her godmother but that wasn't much better than living on her own. Can't understand the idea that running off now and then is a good thing." The woman shrugged. "Plus she just hasn't gotten over her parent's deaths. Tori doesn't grieve well," she said as if it were a huge understatement.  
  
"What the hell does th--do I--put up with her for?"  
  
"Consolidation of funds. Whenever there are any from his half."  
  
I turned suddenly, and the woman smiled brightly. "Hi, Tori!"  
  
"Hey Francine," Tori said. Her yellow eyes looked faintly red at the edges. "He's on a role-playing stint where he thinks he's one of the androids. Ignore him when he talks in third person."  
  
"You haven't been crying, have you?" I sneered.  
  
She ignored me and swept into the rows of aisles, picking up things here and there.  
  
"How've you been, Tori?" Francine asked and Tori's head popped up into view. She had a too-bright smile on.  
  
"Fine," she said in a ringingly cheery voice. It sounded hollow to me. "Paul! I can't remember if you like the chicken ramen or the shrimp."  
  
"/What/?" I snapped.  
  
"What kind of ramen do you like I always forget!"  
  
If there's one thing I can't stand is someone who puts on an act. The fact Tori was human made it worse. "That's your problem!" I snapped back at her. "Figure it out!"  
  
Her head dissapeared. "Fine!" she snapped and then something that sounded suspiciously like 'asshole.'  
  
"He likes the chicken ramen!" Francine said from behind my head.  
  
"Thanks, Francine," Tori replied grudgingly.  
  
It was almost more than I could stand. Somehow I stayed put until Tori was done shopping for whatever she thought she could find in this place, and paid for it.  
  
I followed Tori out of the store, after a last good-bye to Francine, and watched her toss the three bags of groceries into one of the many compartments in the back of her truck. It was a big, white, dirty telephone truck, which was plastered with various bumper stickers.  
  
"Where the hell did you pick up this piece of shit?" I asked. I thought I'd said it in a neutral voice. I thought wrong.  
  
"You comin' home with me or are you gonna stay here or just what, Paul?" The insulted, biting tone was obvious.  
  
"Thought you had a day off? Why aren't you sleeping?" I asked sarcastically.  
  
"I don't /get/ days off Paul, and I never have, and I won't /get/ one until I die. Besides, it's one in the afternoon," she sneered quietly. "Climb in or don't, but the door locks at ten tonight."  
  
I climbed up into the passenger seat and Tori went around and climbed in beside me. She turned the key in the ignition and pulled out onto the street.  
  
She reached over and turned on the radio, blasting music into my ears. This continued for a good ten minutes before the music fell still and someone said, "/We apologize for the interruption in our usual programming, but it has just been reported that Devon, fifity-eight miles south of River City, has just been attacked by the androids. Citizens of Ri--/"  
  
Tori turned off the radio again and muttered rather loudly, "/Damn/."  
  
I sighed. Something vaguely entertaining and she turns it off.  
  
"What?" Tori asked.  
  
"/What/?" I replied.  
  
"What was the sigh for?"  
  
"Nothing," I snarled back at her. "Mind your own business."  
  
*  
  
An hour later, at the apartment, Tori was doing something in the kitchen and I was watching television. Sort of.  
  
I was /trying/ to watch hockey, but no matter how much I played with the tin foil antennae, it just wouldn't get any better. "God damn ningen piece of crap..."  
  
I stood up, figuring the television was all but lost. I wandered aimlessly out of the bedroom (the television was on a table across the room from the bed) and stuck my head in on Tori. "What the hell are you making? It smells terrible."  
  
It didn't smell that bad but I was in a bad mood. "Get lost, Paul!"  
  
I walked in, ignoring the indignant stare I got. I stuck my head over the pan. "It smells /awful/. Do you just suck at this or is it supposed to be that way?"  
  
"Well would /you/ like to cook for tonight?" Tori stated, waving the stirring spoon in my face. "Because otherwise get the hell out of here. This kitchen's too small for two people."  
  
I glanced over my shoulder insolently, and looked down into the pot. It was something nondescript. "What /is/ this?" I asked, looking disgusted.  
  
"You've always eaten it before without complaint, now /out/!" Tori snapped, and grabbed my by the collar. She hauled me from the pot and shoved me out of the kitchen.  
  
"Bitch," I snapped, glaring full-faced at Tori. It didn't surprise me anymore that a mere human could push me around, but it was still infuriating.  
  
"Thank you," Tori replied sardonically. "Dinner will be ready in about thirty minutes. Make yourself busy until then." Tori reached up into the cabinet, got a jar half full of red powder, looked inside and poured some in.  
  
"What is /that/?" I asked, watching from the entrance.  
  
"Paprika," Tori replied. "I'm going to need some more pretty soon, I think tomorrow I'll go into Devon and hope there's some stuff left."  
  
"The television said it was decimated," I said. Devon had been flattened, I remembered that personally. What a fun day that had been.  
  
Tori shrugged. "There's always /something/ left, and people move in like flies. That's how I got my truck."  
  
It occurred to me that I was having a /civil conversation/ with Tori. Yet again I felt sick. Something was really going wrong with me.  
  
"Right...just hurry up. I'm hungry," I muttered, and hurried back into the bedroom, disgusted with myself.  
  
~~  
  
Chapter 2 is...well, I don't know what to think about it. I think the mood is kind of different. But I like it anyway. This is not your usual fic, aware of that. I try to come up with original storylines because the usual ones get a little...well, old after the first 1,000 fics. Not that I don't enjoy them it's just that...mine suck in comparison to theirs...waahhh...  
  
MY MOM THOUGHT 17 WAS A GIIIIIRLLLLL!!! *falls over and starts sobbing hysterically*  
  
At any rate, do what you peeps do best and review!! Please don't tell me it sucks, and if you do, then tell me why. ^_^ 17 might be a little OOC, but wouldn't you be? I did try, though...  
  
Over and out, from Zithy and Co. (co. meaning the 30lb maine coon kitty who is not present at this time) 


End file.
